Friday, September 30, 2011

belonging.

Super dense post.....

Have you been on a roller coaster?  For the longest time, I was too terrified to even try the thrill ride.  After lots of convincing, my friend finally got me to try one of the smaller coasters in a local theme park.  The wait in line was the worst.  The anticipation was horrible!  At the end of the line I was annoyed by the length; I just wanted to get it over with.  As we neared the front, panic really began to set in.  Getting on the ride was a blur, one minute my feet are firmly on the ground, and the next they're dangling in mid air while a foam contraption locks me into the seat.

I screamed.  But only during that initial climb.  And then I was to so captivated by the feeling of riding the ride that I didn't utter one sound.

Right now, I've got this feeling like I've just been standing in line for a roller coaster, but now I'm in the cart.  The line was super long, and quite boring at the beginning.  Of course, the closer I got to the front of the line, the more tension and anxiety I began to feel.

Now I'm in the cart.  Sitting, naturally, in the front row.  The little attendant guy has given that awkward thumbs up to the people in control, and they've just pulled the lever.

The past couple of weeks has been the most eye opening ones for me in a really, really, really long time.  I've met incredible people.  All of whom I had some sort of mutual friend, without even knowing!  I feel like things are finally in motion.

I'm making that steep climb up that roller coaster.  Every day, I feel like I get one more suspenseful "click" up the climb.  The feeling is so intense that I can literally hear a clicking echo in my head!!!

I can only imagine what this ride is going to be like.



I'm writing this not only because I'm really excited, but also because I feel like I'm really on the right track.  It feels... right.  Maybe you haven't had the feeling for something being right, but you probably have felt something is really wrong.  (That sinking feeling in your stomach, for example, when you realize you definitely took a wrong turn while driving.)  It's just like that, however instead of feeling bad.  It feels perfect.

I've often questioned my choice to do business as an undergraduate.  If you remember, I did terribly my first semester (accounting......).  I never really felt encouraged, or for that matter supported by the administration in  the business school.

Finally, finally, I get it.

I'm TAing for my favorite class right now and it is a lot of work, but also extremely inspiring.  I really can't get enough of it.  Mostly, I feel like I'm surrounded people who "get me."  A lot of people don't, and I frequently feel like I generally don't belong anywhere.  I don't like drinking, or going out.  I like to work.  Doing College Prep and working on Sweet Lemon is FUN for me.  I can sit down and "work" (It doesn't even feel like work to me!) for hours and not even bat an eye.

Every time I meet another speaker for the class, and even some of the students, I realize that there are a lot more people like me than I realize.  For that two and a half hour lecture, I have an overwhelming sense of belonging.

I'd really rather take that class fifteen times a week and skip my other classes.  (Confession:  I spend a lot of my other classes incorporating whatever is being taught into how I can better run TCP or Sweet Lemon... that's sort of like studying right?)

I hope this even makes sense.  It's really hard to describe what I feel, what I'm going through, how the people around me are inspiring me, how I feel so supported... It's been a challenge to find a way to put it into words.

Has anyone else experienced this?  Do you want to, but haven't quite gotten there yet?

xoxo

9 comments :

  1. Carly, I'm so happy for you! It must be fantastic to feel like you're on the right path, and each day you're achieving something that gets you closer to your goals.
    I didn't exactly click with my majors in undergrad, which was a bit defeating. Fortunately, I've come across a different path that I'm so unbelievably excited to begin! Here's to hoping it works out as well as yours!

    Cheers!
    Anna

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  2. I know exactly what that click feels like when you're in the right place at the right time, surrounded by the right people. That's how I felt as soon as I made the decision to go to graduate school. Enjoy it, soak everything in, and learn all you can. Remembering the purpose you discovered at that "clicking" moment is what will get you through the frustrating ones.

    Good luck to you!

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  3. I'm the exact same way. My friends cannot seem to understand how I can love my job so much even though I am constantly doing it and working on grad school. It's inspiring and motivating to finally know that you are where you are supposed to be, doing what you're supposed to do.

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  4. I completely understand feeling like this. Some people enjoy working hard and feeling like they are really accomplishing things. I liked working/interning so much that I made the decision to graduate a year early - that felt "right" to me.

    Good luck!

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  5. Glad to hear that you're feeling so great about your jobs! I know that feeling, too; I was never very athletic, but when I started rowing, everything just "clicked".

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  6. I completely get this now that I've started law school. Whenever people talk about law school it seems like 99% of what they're saying is how miserable they are/were and how they felt overworked and overwhelmed all the time. My experience has been totally different...it's a lot of work but I also LOVE doing it and I love the people I've met so far. It's the most fun I've had in my life. So I completely understand where you're coming from.

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  7. I'm so happy things are beginning to come together for you! You deserve it for all of your hard work :) xoxo eliza

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  8. So happy for you Carly! Can't wait to see what the future has in store for you!

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  9. I know exactly how you are feeling right now. I am in business(marketing) as well and for my first three years I had no idea what my dreams were. Finally I have started up my own blog (thelofttalk.com) and I know what I want to do. And I love being inspired by the people around me- It's one of the best feelings leaving class after just listening to a speaker and wanting to actually DO something!

    Your blog is great thanks for sharing!

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