Sunday, January 22, 2012

Struggle.

I would definitely not go so far as to say that I am struggling right now.  In fact, I'm doing quite well.  School is great; my professors this semester are particularly engaging.  I actually have a girl friend in the district finally.  College Prepster is moving right along.  The response to Sweet Lemon No. 2 has been great, and we're already well underway for No. 3 (... and No. 4).

But I'm struggling with a few things... as I honestly think many of us early 20s girls are.



Somedays I feel extremely young, even childish.
While other times I feel particularly old.
(I think this might have something to do with my grey hair... the official count is over 35)



I am having a very hard time trusting my heart.
And an even harder time knowing when to use my brain and not my heart.

When is something a mere coincidence?
What constitutes "fate"?

I want boys to get out of my life completely so it's simpler...
But then again, no thanks.

I worry that I am not sacrificing enough.
I fear that I may have sacrificed too much along the way.

Each morning I wake up with more energy than the day before.
By the end of the day, I lie in bed with no energy but still unable to sleep.

It's the craziest thing.  There just seems to be this perfect unbalance between what I know and what I don't know.  Half the time I feel like I'm trying to slow down and savor every moment.  The other half of the time I just want to speed right through life.

Anyone else in this struggle?

xoxo

24 comments :

  1. I literally just posted about this on my blog. It's a weird funk and I don't know it! I share your pain as well; I noticed a few gray hairs last week and immediately pulled them. :(

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  2. I feel the same way and unfortunately it just gets worse after graduation. How come no one ever told me? I thought your twenties were supposed to be super fun! And then today I was on the phone with my real estate agent, and hung up thinking how did I get here? I still feel like a kid & that's what he prob thinks! It's all very confusing!

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  3. It gets better, I pinky promise! Right NOW I am having the time of my life. I may not look as fab as I did in my twenties physically, but I feel just as great. I wouldn't go back for a thing! Life gets better with each decade! You know, forties are the new thirties! Take your time and enjoy! Each and every stage of life has precious moments to savor! Once you find your niche...and a special someone to share it with...ahhh, then LIVING really begins! Don't worry, it will all come and fall into place just as it should!

    Love and Hugs,
    Mrs. Kindergarten...aka...Madam Spoiled

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  4. Just wait until you graduate! I just graduated this past December and I feel this way every day. I'm still searching for a job and I go through this all day. Did I pick the right major? Should I have done something else? And I good enough to hire? What do I want in life? How do I get there? I'm totally with you but (as my mom would say), even "adults" don't have it all figured out!

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  5. I heart this post so much because I feel exactly the same way. Hang in there and have faith in yourself!

    If it helps, I think this blog has changed my life for the better, and I know I'm not the only one who feels that way. You're very inspiring and that something to be so proud of!

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  6. Lately I can relate to your struggle with waking up each morning with a ton of energy but then at the end of the day, I'm too tired to sleep! :-/

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  7. I graduated college in 2009, I am still searching for a full time job and I see it as a struggle when I haven't heard anything from jobs I have applied to and I'm about ready to put in bold print "I am extremely interested in relocating." I still can count on my seasonal job as an ocean lifeguard down south (i'm from ny.) because I get paid well but Its a struggle and frustrating to say the least on the future after college. I always say they need classes on cover letter/resume/life after college guide while in school because it is quite a learning experience.

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  8. Carly, I've read college prepster for a while now, and absolutely love the insight you provide, sprinkled with fantastic fashion and other things. I graduated from college in 2008, worked a full time job for 3 years, and am not back in graduate school. I still dont know exactly what the future holds. But the things you said about head v. heart - they sound exactly like my internal monologue. Being so determined, so independent; when is right to let someone else in? Just read this, and wanted you to know you're definitely not the only one. xox ~Amanda

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  9. Wow, I completely relate to the "I feel like a child and yet I feel old" feeling. I thought I was the only one. I'm a junior and college, and I have always been very mature for my age, and yet I feel like I won't be able to go through adult life when the time comes! These late college years can be rough, but you're not alone. Hang in there!

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  10. I can relate to do many things in this post. There are moments when I feel like a five year old child and other times I feel like I surpass the age (by a lot) of my friends. I am stuck trying to savor my last moments of college while trying to see myself as a college graduate while applying for jobs. It's a tough thing to be going through, but it's a little easier knowing others are going through the same thing! I always have a positive outlook

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  11. Like many people before me said in the comments, I definitely relate to your posts. As a senior in my final semester in college, it's nice to find a blogger who's going through similar experiences and doing it with grace and calm like you are. It definitely inspires me!
    I also feel the same sense of confusion that you're talking about. I think it has something to do with being so close to graduation. It's like we're gonna be released into the "real world" and get jobs and have to act like adults. But so much is unclear about how that whole process is going to work.
    I've personally been stressing the last few months over what I'm going to do with my life. How can I be sure I'll make the right decisions? What happens if i make the wrong ones? Why can't Mom and Dad just tell me what to do? Lol, I'm a complete mess....

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  12. Dear Carly,
    I definitely know how you feel; that dichotomy of emotions -- almost like there's two parts of you pulling you two different and completely opposite ways. I would tell you exactly what my mom always tells me, "You think too much!" You're so successful for such a young woman and you need to give yourself a break sometimes. I find I like to make collages when I just need to get my mind off of things. Maybe dive into a good book and just escape for a little bit! You're really a big inspiration to so many of us and you need to give yourself more credit than you do!
    Here's to trying to relax!
    Sincerely,
    Cat
    www.catziac.wordpress.com

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  13. Sweetie, this won't end until you fully come into yourself. Even at 31, I can still struggle with it. Not as much as I used to in my 20s but it is still there. I hear by your 40's you're all about loving yourself and where you are in life. I promise it gets easier as you age, gain wisdom and life experiences. Be kind to yourself, love yourself, learn from your mistakes and learn from your wins. You are right where God wants you to be- remember that. :)

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  14. Feel your pain... on all aspects!! I'm 22 and getting gray hairs too, ha! (what the heck?!?!) AND the sleep thing... this too shall pass, though, and I'm sure that exciting things are awaiting you after graduation :)

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  15. I read through some of the other answers while trying to formulate my own, and The Southern Housewife hit the nail on the head. It all comes down to really trusting your instincts and your heart, and the only way you learn how to do so is through experience, which comes as you get older and experience more things.

    This is especially true about relationships: in addition to figuring out what you want, you also start to recognize the "warning signs" of a beingwith the wrong man before they blindside you.

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  16. I feel as if it all comes down to instinct! I struggle a lot of the time, but also at the same time I know that if I just feel good about something than it'll will all be okay.

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  17. I second a lot of these comments- no one tells you about the not fun side of graduating and being in your early to mid twenties. I'm in my late twenties now and finally feel settled. Its more just figuring out the direction of your life and it just takes time.

    As far as boys I don't think that ever changes!

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  18. I definitely know how you feel! I'm totally with you about having a hard time trusting my heart right now.

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  19. UGH Science fair and National History Day struggling....... I know the feeling; too scared/ anxious to take a break and sleep.
    :(
    Check out my blog!
    http://www.citrusandstyle.blogspot.com

    xoxo,
    coco

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  20. I am totally with you on this. I don't even think it's a 20s thing, I think it may be a senior year of college thing. I think it's almost an unsettled feeling that I get from time to time. It makes me feel unorganized and disheveled even though I am one of the most organized people I know.

    As for the whole boys thing... I feel like it's a never ending struggle until you find "the one".

    It's just good to know that none of us are alone and it's like we're all doing it together!! That's the exciting part!

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  21. I agree with everyone else, this is totally normal. I am a recent grad and still feel the way you are describing. I often have trouble falling asleep because so many thoughts are running through my mind. I question my career, where I live, and like you, the boy thing. I have faith it will all work it self out..but waiting for a sign kinda sucks. You're doing amazing things and I can only imagine a bright future for you so keep it up!

    XO
    Emmy
    www.sprinklesoneverything.wordpress.com

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  22. I can't agree enough. I just graduated last May and constantly I'm telling my friends, "I feel so old" but yet I know I'm not. What helps me is to take a step back and look at how much I've accomplished and that I'm in a stage of transition. There isn't really a "norm" for me at the moment. Like everyone else said - just give it time.

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  23. I agree so much with this post! Sometime when I start thinking about all the decisions I will have to make within the next two years I get so freaked out and panic. I really think that in the end though everything turns out for the best and I wish you the best of luck and hope you get out of this funk!

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