The strangest thing in the world is happening. I have figured out myself. At least little bit.
I sometimes feel like this is the senioritis in me speaking, but this is really happening.
(Of course, there are days when I feel completely and utterly unsure of who I am. But they're vastly outnumbered by the good days!!!)
The signs have been there, but I just don't think I was tuned into myself enough to see it. As they say, hindsight is 20/20. Looking back I can totally see a positive transformation of myself, my behavior, my thoughts, and my actions.
It's hard for me to really pinpoint exactly how I "know" myself– writing this post is difficult enough. Part of it is definitely me just embracing "me." I recently finished The Happiness Project (College Prep Book Club) and in the book she kept saying to just "Be Gretchen." I can definitely relate to that!
Sometimes I hate that I'm intense. I hate that I'm so serious all the time. I hate that I'm average height. I hate that I'm worrying about at least three things at any given moment....
I am intense. I am super serious. I am average height. And I do worry. Maybe this doesn't seem like a huge breakthrough, but IT IS! In the past, I've wanted to force myself to be someone I'm not. (Remember when I tried to get rid of my crazies?)
I definitely scare people (read: boys) off sometimes because of my intensity... but I've also met someone who loves that about me. I am very serious and take myself and my work seriously... but I've been able to create amazing opportunities for myself because of it. I worry a lot... but because I worry a lot, I know which risks are worth taking and which aren't.
What I've found is that the more I embrace "Carly," the more great opportunities come up, the more I achieve my goals, and (most importantly) the more I enjoy life. The things that made me me were the things I wish I could change the most... how awful is that? I wanted to strip myself down to mediocre, average, and... boring.
Thanks, but no thanks.
I'll be Carly.