I think the title of the magazine (and this post) pretty much sums up how I'm feeling right now.
The sweet part? The latest issue of Sweet Lemon Magazine launched today!!!
But, I have an announcement to make and it's one that I have spent a really long time deliberating over. And it's one that I'm struggling to really capture into words. (This would be the lemon part.)
I'm moving on from Sweet Lemon. The #LemonLove issue will be my last one.
I came up with the idea for a digital magazine featuring (and written by) twenty-somethings June of 2011. I knew that this was something that people would want to read because it was something that I would want to read.
Working on the magazine was absolutely the hardest thing I've ever done. The biggest group project I worked on at school only lasted a semester. This took group projects to an entirely new level. I wore a million hats between managing the teams, dealing with crisises, and working through an absolutely overflowing inbox. This was all while I was finishing up my final year at Georgetown and ultimately while I tried to balance my life while working in Manhattan.
I thought I could do it, but in reality I was stretched way too thin. Also, I found myself really not enjoying what I was doing. Maybe it was a combination of constantly feeling overwhelmed and doing tasks that really weren't my personal strengths. Launching a new issue was always stressful, and always amazing.
Hearing from readers. Working on fun features. Watching readers and writers connecting online (and offline). Meeting new people. It was amazing. It is amazing.
Right now, however, it's not the right thing for me to be doing. I am living my dreams (quite literally) in New York City. My job is incredible and I really enjoy blogging... plus my side projects always keep me more than busy.
As the magazine grew, I fell more and more out of love with it. Here I am advocating "living your dreams" and I was actually not doing everything I could to be living mine. By doing something that I didn't completely love, I was taking away time from enjoying life and my other priorities.
If I'm going to be honest, I held off leaving the magazine for selfish reasons. The SLM team is fully capable of running the magazine without me. So that isn't the issue. I was afraid of having to tell people that I wasn't involved. I liked being able to say that I founded a digital magazine. Essentially, I was lying to myself to fulfill this desire to "have it all."
So while I won't be on the SLM staff, I will always be rooting for its success.
The past 18 months have been wonderful. The friends I've met and what I've learned about myself along the way are things I wouldn't trade for the world.
I hope this makes sense and I hope you understand. It's not something I've taken lightly and I admit that it's something I've completely done for myselfˆ, but it was something I realized I truly needed to do.